Today, today!

So, for breakfast I had half a bagel with some blackberry jam and an apple.

Later for a snack I had a handful of cinnamon shredded wheat.

Then I had classes for about 5 hours straight and was starving, because then afterwards I went to target, and then afterwards Cody, Molly, and I made a stir fry. It was good, and we used brown rice, Oh! ANd I also had 2 egg rolls as well.

After dinner, we were thinking ice cream...so YES!! I bought a Ben and Jerry's. But don't worry! I didn't eat it all-I only had one serving...and later into the night I really wanted to get it out of the freezer and eat it. But I didn't! But I'm thinking I should not had the ice cream around in the first place...so now that I'm thinking clearly, what am I supposed to do with it?!? I dunno. But right now it's out of sight, out of mind.

I worked out twice yesturday. I did not work out today. But I have dance tomorrow so that's something, and maybe I'll work out later. Molly wants to go work out on friday!! So I'm definitely going to work out with her!! (She worked out with me yesturday) PLUS!!! Friday is also the start of "tap club". And let me tell you: tapping is one heck of a workout if you do it right!! So I'll be very physically active on friday too! YAY!! That will give me my goal of working out 3 times this week not including dance class. Saturday I have Arts Bash, but perhaps I could even get a workout in then. Sunday I have auditions, but not all day long-So maybe if they go well and I'm excited afterwards I can blow off some audreneline running.

Alrighty!! Talk to you soon Blogger!

A Delicious Cup of Soup

Yummmm. Right now, I am eating a delicious cup of soup.

I worked early today, so this glorious, hot, flavorful, cup of instant soup from Lipton is my first meal of the day. Literally, it is so good!!

And I did work out this weekend! So I met that goal! But unfortunately, I did eat unhealthy food this weekend: ice cream and chocolate fudge! Then last night I watched the illusionist and snacked on m&m's and this yummy caramel popcorn sorta stuff.

However-I did not drink any soda at all. I usually don't ever drink soda, but I'm trying to make sure I never drink it. It is bad.

Right now I'm a little tired. I have classes and guitar lessons still. I want to work out today, not quite sure when I can squeeze it in. But we'll see.

Ciao!

Back to Normalcy...

So, now that I'm done being sick. I am back to eating food. YAY!!!! Today I had

Half a Bagel with Peanut butter and an apple. (And ya know what: I didn't feel like I had to finish it all!! YAY! Very exciting for me. I had probably about two bites left of my bagel and was like hmm ya know, I'm done!

Then I had a banana. For a snack before theory at 12(I love bananas soooo much!! they are so yummy!!

At 3:00 I had a small (I mean really small!) cup of lentil soup. It was equally yum yum yummy!!!

Around 5:30/6ish I had a can of veggie juice, a handful of carrots and a slice of pizza. (smaller than my hand). And I only had one slice because that's all that was there. :) But I forgot when I ate it that it was my enemy!!

I also had dance class today-worked up quite a sweat.

Good Things: Ate small portions, I'm under 140. Now I need to work on being under 135. (A little at a time baby!!) I ate very healthy! I drank lots of water.

Bad Things: I tend to eat a lot later in the day. So I need to be more aware of that. I didn't get to exercise much this week, because of how the lovely week started with me being sick and I didn't want to exhaust myself by doing too much.

My goals for exercising is to exercise once while I'm at home this weekend (friday night or sat. morning). So that I can put 2 stickers on for this week. And next week I want to exercise 3 time, dance classes NOT included. I know 3 times doesn't seem like much, but I want to build from there. If I can do 3x a week not including dance class for 4 weeks straight, then I will buy myself a new top or something I want that is not food, haha.

Well I am done eating for today, so I better stick to that. I'm sure I can do it!

ciao!

sick

So, right after I wrote that lovely blog I had some cereal with a banana. However, it didn't stay down for long. Later that day I barfed it up, then barfed again and again and again and again. Yeah, so I definitly had a 24 flu or something. I feel somewhat better today. I am still kind of afraid to eat anything. But i've had some chicken broth and sprite and water.

Hopefully I'll be fully recovered by tomorow. Oh, so obivously I didn't work out yesterday, we'll see about today. I'm still feeling pretty weak, and I have dance today-so hopefully it won't be too intense.

back at school

So here I am.

Yesturday I ate well, accept!! I lost a huge battle! Breakfast were correctly proportioned and healthy, but my roomate got pizza for her friend and me because we helped move her stuff in. I put pizza on my enemy list because I can't eat just one piece. I ended up eating four slices (it was a medium pizza so the slices were smaller) and through it all I kept rationalizing about it, (like stating that the slices were smaller than a large pizza). Not matter what, just have a hard time saying no to food when it kind of involves people, because I don't want to hurt their feelings by rejecting it, and I don't want to sound like a vain freak and say "oh I can't have pizza." I know this sounds weird, but I'm dead serious.

So maybe I can learn to say instead of "I am forbidden to have pizza" I could just lie and say "Oh, no thanks, I don't really feel like pizza." Then they will not buy as much pizza. And then while they're eating it in my face I can battle internally.

I will not die if I don't eat pizza. In fact, it will probably make me feel better if I avoid it.

I had work early today, and I felt rather sick before hand, so all I had were graham crackers. My stomach is feeling a little better and I think I might chance eating a grape fruit and some cereal.

I am exercising today. I'm hoping my roomie will go with me. But either way I'm going! Yay! I'm excited to put a sticker on my lovely exercising chart!

Things So far

Things are going pretty well. I go back to school tomorrow, so I am very excited about that. Last night I made workout charts for my roomate and me for the semester. She seems to be interested in working out and eating healthier too, so maybe this will be a little easier than I thought.

I admit, my friend brought back some candy from her trip to Florida for me, and as you have already found out I feel really bad about turning down gifts. I am thinking of adding chocolate to my enemie list, I hadn't realized that I didn't.

Today I have had a bowl of total with a banana for breakfast and a small baked potato with some chopped green peppers and colby jack cheese and some ranch dressing and then a handful of raisins.

I love food, so this s a hard process, but I guess it's also a good thing because I also enjoy healthy foods. The main things I need to work on is continue to stay to a normal meal schedule, to not eat after 7:30, don't over eat, and consistantly workout.

Hopefully having a fitness chart will help me keep up with my regularity of exercising. I think I am having a much better attitude now than I was at the beginning of all this, and that will make all the difference. I can do this!! I am excited to do this!! I am doing this!!

The Diet War! Rescue the skinny me!!

So today on Tyra Banks talk show, (I'm on break and was waiting for the numbness in my cheek to wear off), she had guests that were trying to lose weight. She talked about it like it was a diet war, and every time you wanted to eat something you know you shouldn't and didn't it's like winning a battle.

So today I made a list of my enemies who I must avoid. I know that some people don't believe in restricting food, but for me, there are some foods that I know I will eat too much of if I eat them:

cookies
donuts
cake
ice cream
any sweet coffee drink
french fries
hash browns
bacon
syrup
and dare I say it:
pizza! (this one becaus I can't just have 1 slice ya know!!)

I might add more to the list but that's all for now! So anytime I see those foods, I have to think that they are my enemies and want to make me fat. (I know it sounds goofy!)

I need to rescue the skinny me from the chunky me!

So, I think exercising will be part of the training for the war, to help me fight the battles. I also found a pretty good list of healthy food to eat, so these foods will be my allies, BUT! like any ally, you cannot rely on them all of the time (meaning over eating), you have to rely on your own slef discipline.

Don't worry skinny me! I'm coming!!!

I have to ask myself

Am I commited?
Don't I want a healthier, more fufilling life, free of guilt from eating random things?
I need to be more positive about this.
My sister is right, I have to love me no matter what I look like.
Right now I like how my face looks, minus the acne (UGG!)

But I am making this commitment now, for my future goals, because in order to reach them I have to get over this mohill.

Today I drank a lot of water, ate semi-random (which is not good).

I need to establish times when I eat to keep me from eating so randomly.

When I start school, my classes start at around 12pm. This makes it very possible for me to exercise before the days classes. As soon as my boss sends me my schedule for next semester I can plan everything out.

I really am excited to go back to school. Now that I have settled into college I can start focusing on the things I need to be. Reaching the right weight is just a small part of that.

To my overall frustration

Well,
In trying to keep a blog to help my efforts, I have actually gained 5lbs. I honestly am very frustrated. Meaning I now have to lose 30lbs instead of 25.

I just feel like I don't know what to do. I don't know why I am so reliant on food, because it honestly sucks half the time. I can't do this on my own. That's why I ask a couple people to support me. When I wanted that support last summer, people said right away I couldn't do it. It sucked not to have any friends to support me, or believe in me. I want to get over something that has been a huge issue in my life.

I want to be skinny and fit, so that I can feel more comfortable moving in dance class and on stage, and so I can wear whatever I want and not worry about it making me look more bulky.

Today sucked. Being at home varies between one extreme of being great and being terribly stressful and awful. I hate it today because I hate how I always eat crap when I'm here because that's a habit I picked up when I used to live here. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, HATE IT, because I don't know how to change that while I'm at home.

It seems like overall looking at these blogs, that my main word to describe my efforts has been frustration. I can't quite explain it fully. But I want to be more positive about it, because I know that's the only way to lose weight.

But if I have no one backing me up, it's a little hard to stay positive.

I Hate Myself!!

I ate after I promised myself I wouldn't. I had popcorn and a banana.

I feel fat.

I am really frustrated that I can't care enough about myself to keep my commitment.

I will still keep blogging.

Guilty and Frustrated!!!

I didn't write anything yesturday-mainly because I felt guilty about constantly eating bits of the brownies my mom baked yesturday.

I am so frustrated. I don't even know how to begin to write it into words. With me, it's like there are 2 extremes, you eat or don't eat. There is no middle it seems.

I think to be successful in losing y 25 pounds (I weight 140 and am a short 5'3") I need to:

A. Set up a routine time where I can eat-a strict regime, but if there is none then I go crazy.

B. Make a bigger connection between what I'm eating and the fact that it turns into how my body looks (or something like that)

I don't know why, but for some reason, when I wake up in the morning and go downstairs, if I don't have my contacts in, I seem to think that anything I consume without them in is calorie free and I start pecking at anything in sight like a blind bat searching for insects. I wonder why I have this warped logic, but it does make a good analogy.

Without seeing clearly what we are putting into our mouths, or more specifically my mouth, we consume ignorantly. It sucks. I also seem to think my brother's high fructose corn syrup conspiracy may prove valid.

After I put in my contacts I started off well. I toasted a light english muffin and spread smart balance on it, and cut the stems off of three big, ripe, juicy strawberries.

However!!! When I came back from the dentisit a little later in the day I guzzled down a Santa Fe chicken Lean Cuisine meal, followed by more strawberries and then Ramen noodles.

AYYYY CARUMBA!!! okay! Now do my friends believe me when I say I have ate a lot?

It doesn't stop there. My lovely brothers had to cook a frozen pizza. They burned it in fact. But I still servered a piece off!

I am done for the day. The funny thing is. When I say this, it usually means I'm not. But today, I will put all of my strength into making sure I am done for the day.

I will also promise myself these two things:

I will start my day and not enter the kitchen until I am fully dressed for the day and have my eyes in. While I am dressing I will think about making correctly-proportioned, heallthy, food choices.

At 7pm, I will cut off my food intake for the day, no matter if I have eaten dinner or not. I will not cheat, because this is a promise I make to myself to reach my goals, and I care enough about my body to keep it.

I will not make piss poor excuses, I will rise to the challenge in store instead of foggily drifting through each day being lead by my the big fat belly lady inside me. Instead, I will listen to the tiny skinny me, who although is sometimes hard to hear over big fat belly lady, is inside just waiting to come out and flaunt herself to the world.

Ciao!!
I am really truely DONE eating for the day. MY BELLY FACTORY IS CLOSED!!

Some positive and some negative

I cannot wait to get back to the dorms!! You know why? Because then I won't snack on random food around my parent's house. I already confessed about the whole cinnamon role thing!

The snacking continued for throughout the day, just bits here and there but probably enough to add up. I also had dinner: a piece of breaded chicken, acorn squash, and sweet corn. After dinner I stopped eating. However I am still meeting my friend Laura at Starbucks at 10pm. She's off to London :'( so we just wanted to hang out one last time before she leaves. Though starbucks is tempting I will have tea.

It has been hard to get out of the house because I really don't have consistent means of transportation, (even though I do have like 17 cars in my driveway!!) But I want to get some of those yummy naked drinks. My favorite is blueberry pomagranite.

Oh! I forgot to mention! I did an intense workout today. So that probably counts for something. I really liked the DVD I did so I think I'll do it again. Plus my family got a membership to the YMCA, so I can utilize that too.

Ciao!!
p.s. Once I get back to school I will start to measure and weigh myself.

Frustrated and want to go home

UGH!!! For breakfast there were cinnamon rolls!! So of course I had one, as well as a small bowl of Honey Bunches of oats, and some green tea.

I hope I can redeem myself. I am going to excercise. And only eat veggies and fruit the rest of the day. No more carbs today!!

It was a crouton kind of a Day

Yeah. So. I ate breakfast at 11:30 today, determined to start the day right.

I saw my darling mother had made biscuits and gravy (a childhood favorite which in recent year I have sworn off due to the fact it's liquid flour mixed with more calories poured on top of mmm...you betcha! MORE CALORIES). So instead I made some green tea, basted an egg and had a biscuit with some "You bet you keister it's not butter" and a drizzle of honey. (I believe honey is probably the only sweetener that is okay to use. I don't know why I just do.) I was about to have some yogurt, but thought is would be unnecessary. I also really wanted to put some cheese on my egg, but I withstrained (word?) myself.

About an hour and a half after eating I think my mindless started to kick in and I had a handful of croutons (and like ten raisins). My rationale behind this was not completely logically sound but-I thought to myself: I am babysitting soon and straight after that going to Courtney's Mark Kay thing. I should probably eat something.

Yeah, not my finest moment I know. While babysitting Maggie was like "let's have ice cream!!." Well, it was from whole foods, and banana (my favorite flavor of ice cream), so I said why not! All keeping in mind this was like my lunch. And I didn't have too much either.

After that I came home, took a bite of one of my mum's famous cinnamon rolls (thanks MOM!!! :P) , and headed out to the Mary Kay thing.

On our way home Courtney asked me if I was hungry and wanted to get food somewhere. At first I was like: "yeah, I haven't eaten dinner yet." But I remember I need to keep this commitment to myself so I declined. (Probably good for my Bank account too since I am a poor college student). (Wow I use parenthesis a lot).

HOWEVER!!! When I got home at nine (past my 7pm food cut off time) I cut up some grilled chicken and put it on top of a salad. (topped with croutons of course!!). It was good, but like a a dog sniffing out anything edible, I took out 5 chips and some spicy salsa. After I had consumed the chips I noticed some whip topping in my fridge and thought I'd have some make shift ice cream topped with a spoon of chocolate fudge and some white chocolate chips. WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!? Bottom line: I wasn't, because if I was I would have looked at that nasty concoction and been like "GIRL!! WHY YOU BE EATIN THIS!?!"

Today definitely had it's good and bad moments. I did go quite a while without thinking about food while at the Mary Kay thing. And while my intentions for my original two meals were pretty decent. (the egg and biscuit and the grilled chicken salad) the random snack in between made my good intentions pointless. Also I did not feel overly full like I have been feeling the past days back home.

To be honest, I am really extremely disappointed with myself. Not just because of today, but because when I went to school in September, I psyched myself up and boasted to my friends that I would be a size 3 by Christmas. HAHA. Luckily, my friends were gracious enough to not be smart ass about it. (Thanks guys. haha).

But in all seriousness, and the fact that this blog is called "Getting Serious" I thought writing stuff down would help me think consciously every day about the eating choices I am making and slowly learn how to control my life instead of food controlling all my thoughts. I really do want to get serious and change my life for the better. The part you are reading in here is only about the physical. But I guarantee that whatever change I will make on the outside, it will be a reflection of a greater change within.

I was for real in August, but I hope now that I have my humble cap on, I will be able to make that possible. And yes there is a part of me, for whatever reason, I afraid of being skinny. I love attention, but I am very self conscious, I'd rather get attention because I'm clever or funny, not due to how I look. I know it must seem stupid, but it's true. I'm sure once I feel great about losing weight I will forget all about my fears.

Because it's gotten out of control

Alright, so I'm not obese. I'm not smuggling hohos and hershy's bars in my bra, (1. because it would me uncomfortable and 2. because i'm not endowed enough to successfully disguise such objects into my 36B.

Without going into too many details, the "skinny" is this. I'm a 5'3" freshman in college. For the past 2 years of my life I've gravitated closley around the 140lbs mark on my $5 scale. I can make no excuses. It is not my body's slow metabolism, or the food corporations doing, or my cheap $5 dollar scale upon which I can blame my 25+lbs of excess on. The reason for my ONE flaw (joke) is my undying devotion to food. All kinds of food stir my fascination with their intracite flavors and textures. So after a couple spoonfuls of ice cream, serveral egg rolls, continually smaller and smaller slices of coffee cake, handful of nuts, three meatballs, three baked chips, some brocolli, and a full belly later, it is probably thanks to my fast metabollism I am not more overweight than I am.

It is the curse of a mindless snacker, snack-snacking myself into a fat existance. And this cannot be!!!! I am so sick of being overweight. And today, it stops.

Yes-I have no self control. But I know I can do this!! I just know I can. I'm almost there. If I can just stick to good eating habits I can be fit and trim.

i CAN DO THIS. I really really want to. I don't make excuses for being overweight! I don't know what else to say. I've just got to get serious. Starting now!!

Food Journal:
So today I have a pear and a half a cookie for breakfast. Yes not a very good start.

For lunch I went to PF Changs with my friend Courtney. I started out with some yummy decafinated ginger spice tea (no sugar of course). I ordered brown rice with my vegetable coconut curry. And also had two pan fried veggie dumplings and some of Court's Chicken fried rice.

I couldn't eat it all. I made sure to fill up with tea before the meal came. I was however full after. It's hard to say to yourself stop! If there's still food in front of you and you're not full. (I'm sure the like one person who actually reads this blog will be like DUH!!! But whatever.)

Then later on, Courtney wanted to go to Coldstone. I purposely left my wallet in the car so I wouldn't get anything. But, when I went in my friend Derek was working. So, I got something. I hadn't had Coldstone in forever!!! It was a small, but still! It waaaaas Coldstone. so BAD ME!!!

About 6:40, we called it quits on the shopping and I went home, where I finished off my Veggies and brown rice for dinner. I was super-de-duper good!! It had tofu in it too, and I love tofu! It was definitely satisfying. Afterwards I was going to maybe have some yogurt, but I thought to myself, "Nah, I'm full enough, I don't need it." So instead I drank a glass of water. And that was it for the rest of the night.

Although I realize I didn't have the best eating habit today, and I totally caved getting coldstone, today was probably my first time feeling hungry since I've been home for break! So I think that's a step in the right direction. I also have been exercising.

The holidays were definitely a step back for me. But that does not mean I should give up entirely. It means I must try harder.

Two Tips I learned today:
1. Never compramise your standards because you don't want to make someone feel bad if you don't eat. That's lame, and if people are that lame to be offended when you turn food down, that's their issue, not yours.

2. Drink as much Calorie free (and preferably FAKE sugar free) liquid as possible while at a restaurant before your meal has come. It will fill you up and you won't eat as much. Even if you feel like you may have-just think, at least you ate less than you would have if you hadn't filled up with water.

Plans For tomorrow and beyond:

I just want to say how excited I am to go back to school. I have changed my meal plan to 7 meals in the caf. instead of 14. This gives me way more flexability and hopefully will prevent me from over eating in the cafeteria. I will be chosing the food that goes into my fridge. Hopefully I can convince my roomate to eat more healthy next semester too, to eliminate all the junk food that glares at me while I'm watching TV.

I will be creating a workout chart-complete with stickers-to motivate me to reach my goal of exercising for five days a week. (Right now it's at the lazy 2-3 mark).

This will be a fit, determined, successful year all around. Let's see what tomorrow brings.