Monday, August 27, 2007

i just keep getting fatter!

I remember sometimes when I used to complain to my sister about being fat, and she would say "well at least you're pretty." (She thought she was ugly). The unfair thing about her saying that was that she thought she was ugly when she really wasn't. And Plus!! I'm all broken out and ugly right now, and my face is fat and NOT pretty. And I'm fat.

I cannot believe, I look at every single entry on here, and how I plan to be a certain weight by a certain time, I never helps, and it seems as if I'm rapidly gaining weight! I just am soo ticked.

And fat, yes is something that hypotheically you can work on. But, I just get sooo distracted by work and school, I feel I never have the time of energy to work out. And I'm always looking forward, once school starts I know I'll workout more, "once my class starts..." and I hear the same thing from my overweight friends "I know I'll eat right when I'm skinnier." And I think "no! You have to change now! You cant sit around waiting until the next thing-because the next thing will never end up being enough to change you.

I'm not going to magically start eating right when I'm skinnier.

The cold hard fact is I'm addicted to food! I think about it sooo often, when I'm bored I think "I could eat something" I spend time thinking about my next meal, or what would make a good snack. I am in LOVE with the different textures and tastes. And I don't know why I'm addicted to it. And unlike things like smoking which people do not physically need in their life, I have to face my addiction everyday! Technically I could go anorexic, but it would just end up making me fatter in the end anyway. I look at these crazy diets people put up-where they eat 200 calories a day think "how can they do that and have energy?!?" Plus I get hungry so quickly! Which I think must be cuz I've over-eaten and expanded my stomach so much.

I wonder if my ADD evaluations will help at all with my eating problem. I'm going to bed...I just need to vent. The other thing that would probably help me is writing in this everyday...but I get too distracted to do that toO!

i'll vent more later. I'm tired.


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