its been a while.

Yo!

i'm back.


i have been busy and therefore neglected my food log once again.

but my doctor told me I need to be exercising 6xa week. (Right now it's about 3-4 times)...to help with my ADD stuff before I get a final diagnosis.

ciao for now.

ugg!

I neglected my diary this weekend-probably cuz I was doing bad. I did go for a run and bike ride yesturday-but I weighed myseld tonight-153 lbs!!! OMG!!

It is sooo frustrating.

I want to lose weight. I need to keep track of what I'm putting in my body-and how I'm working it off. I NEED to lose weight. I need to limit what and how much I eat. I need to be mindful about what I'm eating. I love myself and care enough about myself to do this. I can exercise everyday-it will help me feeling healthy and in the long run help me feel less sluggish and tired.

I'm getting the nano this weekend-so hopefully that'll be a big boost of inspiration. I want to look thinner-its just the road getting there is not as simple as I think it'll be. But I can do it. I know it. There are sooo many things I have done, I can do this. I've been thinking about joining weight watchers or something...but I really don't have the money. I just need some encouragement...

love,
Arwen

p.s. I've also decided to STOP eating dairy products for three weeks-to see if I feel better physically and break out less. SO I have to remind myself: NO DAIRY!!

the rest of thursday!

Well Peeps, I'm pretty proud of myself:

The rest of thursday I worked out for an hour and a half (dance class) I was REALLY sweaty!

Then I got a ham sub sandwich and a bag of sunchips. I ate half the ham and half the bag for lunch, around 3:00...

then ate the other half and chips before rehearsal around 5:50pm..I know this doesn't seem like much time in between-but it really helped me not to be hungry later in the night

8:00pm-Christine brought in cookies for her b-day-I only had half of a chocolate chip cookie!! YAY! I'm so proud of myself, because usually I would eat like 2 or 3.

This morning:
9:10am-eggs with salsa and hot sauce, a mini cran muffin (I put two on my plate but only had one of them! YAY), half a glass of soy milk, and half a grapefruit.

I plan on working out today too...not sure when-but I do plan on it. :)

love
~Arwen

p.s. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning... (eek!)

yesturday and this morning

I forgot to fill in my journal yesturday-mainly because I did pretty well. But I realized that I need to write down.

Ysetruday:
7:30am- scrambled eggs, salsa inside small tortilla, half a grapefruit, vanilla soymilk.

3:00pm--a turkey wrap with pepper jack cheese, a handful of pretzals

10:00pm--4 wheat thins

So things I need to improve on--i had LARGE GAPS in between times I was eating...mainly because of my schedule-but that's now good because then when you do get a chance to eat-you might eat too much...

I didn't workout today-we did have a pretty hard dance rehearsal-and I'm only counting that because I didn't eat very much later in the day.

My PIG OUT time is DEFNINITlY mid-afternoon. I know that for sure-that's the time of day I want to eat the most.

TODAY so far:

keeping in mind the mindful eating:
8:00am scrambled eggs with salsa of course (I don't think I will Ever get sick of eating this lol), piece of whole wheat toast (which I only ate 3/4 of.), quarter of a grapfruit, half a glass of milk, a couple bite of jello with straw berries in it.

11:50am-a handful of kashi cereal-I don't have time to eat before dance-but I know if I eat after dance I'll eat too much-so I'm eating just a little bit now.

a little shabby-but i made up for it

hey!

i worked out yesterday and today.

yesterday:
7:30am-a vitamin water and a kashi granola bar

1:00-a tofu fajita and oatmeal choco chip cookie

10:15pm-a turkey wrap with veggies, cheese and fat free ranch dresssing

(So the bad part on this day was not eating between 1 and 10, because if I had, then I wouldn't have eaten so late)

TODAY:

breakfast:
8:25am-an orange and some wheat thins

12:00 a beef wrap (it wasn't very big at all), some pasta salad, and raw veggies with vinegar and pepper, and of COURSE: an ice cream cone!

afternoon: okay this gets a little fuzzy--but sometimes during the afternoon i ate TWO!! oatmeal cream pies--the BIG ones, that are like 370 cals EACH!, some wheat thins and pretzals.

then I said that I wouldn't eat for the rest of the night to counter my bad afternoon, and I haven't eaten anything...so yay. and my tummy is hungry right about now-but I told it "NO!" you're done eating for the day.

I'm weighing myself tomorrow morning...this morning i was at 149.6 (I cannot believe that I'm in the 150's, that is just crazy-it makes me feel really fat:
On saturday I was hanging out with Becca and some of our guy friends, and they brought out a scale-(the reason escapes me at the moment)-and all weighed themselves, they were all 150, 155, 160!! Then Becca weighed herself-141, and I was like-I already know I weight, 150... WAH WAH!!

EWW! How sucky is that?

I gotta get skinnier-plus I kinda like this guy-and he's my thinspiration as my sis would say.

Love you all (really, no one reads this probably but)!! I'm trying my best-and I just got some good tips and a new motivation.

~Arwen

food today:

yuck.

breakfast:8:00-granola bar, banana, marble jack cheese stick

lunch: 12:00 - grilled turkey and cheese sandwich, iceburg lettuce salad w/ carrots, peas, and fat free ranch and a SMALL cone of soft serve.

3:00- pretzals, a stick of strign cheese, a banana

5:50: a bowl of progresso chicken noodle

11:00-A personal pizza. (WHY!! GOD! WHY did I have this!?!)

i'm going to bed, I can't bear to weight myself tonight.

~Arwen

goals for tomorrow

NO CAKE!!! (meaning I can have a small cone of soft serve- (It's not that bad for you) IF I have a healthy lunch.

Exercise: I will look for a chiro and give my full effort in dance class.

Weigh in-and more.

147.2lbs.

here's what I had today.

10am 100 cal yogurt.

1:00-tuna salad with iceberg lettuce, onions, and tomatos, some rice with baked beans. (I know baked beans are bad!) BUT!! The worst part is coming: a piece of chocolate cake with soft serve ice cream and crushed nuts. (I get cravings for ice cream and cake! I need to not eat it!)

4:00-bag of microwaved popcorn! (YUP I KNOW!) 100 cal bag of turkey jerky. (yeah-I'm a loser for the jerky)

5:00-small skim mocha w/o whip cream

11:00- pepper jack cheese and an apple.

I drank a lot of water today. It's been hard to exercise outside of rehearsal and dance class cuz my neck and back are in a LOT of pain. I'm trying to find a chiro around here though.


~Arwen

it's been a while

Hey,
I know it's been a while, I've had an awful weekend...food wise and life-wise. Hey look! I've found a correlation, when I'm stressed I eat.

Today, I've eaten some oriental snack mix, carrots, a bagel with cream cheese, a tortilla with some cheese and salsa, some oatmeal cream pies. WAY too much food. I'm not eating anymore today.

Tomorrow I will once again report time and amount of food i'm eating...

i'm going to nap.

~Arwen

setting some goals for tomorrow:

I will run tomorrow.

I will eat NO cake or ice cream.

thurs

there were some good moments, and some slip ups...

8:16 granola bar

9:20-oh no! Emily brought brownies because it was her birthday. I had two small brownies. GOsh darnit!

1:00 some gatorade and a handful of Kashi cereal

5:10pm a grain burger with a slice of american cheese on it, a salad with some red vinegar on it, and some tator tots! (not too many though like 5! i swear,) but then I ate a piece of cake with some soft serve! gosh darnit! Plus, I think it's the sweets that make me want to eat more.

6:00-a couple fries. (Gosh! I'm a moocher! if i wasn't i bet i'd lose some pounds-it's just sooo hard to say no to food if someone offers it to you.)

it's now 8:00, I am going to starbucks with Kiki. I will get a nonfat, sugar free latte.

after dinner and wed

Well, last night I ate a veggie sub and tomato soup, and a small bag of cheddar chex mix...

Then I had a nonfat vanilla latte later that night.

Today:

9:15--eggs w/ salsa, half a grapefruit, muesli (a grain cereal) with some honey and a smidge of butter. (I had an extra serving of eggs-I am an egg crazy girl!)

I didn't eat any lunch.

6:00--a veggie wrap (pepper jack cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, romaine, onions w/ fat free ranch), a bag of popcorn.


8:30-granola bar.

I drank a good amount of water today too. I can't find my scale right now, which you think would be really easy to find considering that I live in pretty much a 12x12 square...but hey!

reporting...

well let's see...

Last night 5:20pm here's what happened. Let night I went to debot, got green beans, sourkraut with a couple pieces of polish sausage, and butternut squash...then I had a small piece of lemon cake and some soft serve vanilla ice cream on the side...

Last night
9:40-The reason I love college so much is how much RANDOM food runs people go for. So of course, my friends went to KFC, and I had bites of their mashed pot and three pieces of boneless honey bbq wings!!! Ugg, but besides that I ate pretty yesturday.

today:

8:20--half a grapefruit, eggs, toast with some cream cheese and jam on it.

11:30--A nature valley granola bar

12:30-an ENITRE bag of light popcorn and two poptarts!! (GURR! sugar is going to be the end of me!) I was just sooo in the mood for something and I didn't know what. That's when I end up eating the most. (I think usually in those situations you're probably actually thirsty for water-or I heard that somewhere.

Usually I'm pretty good about not eating in the afternoon time. I had dance today. Tomorrow I plan to implement my "go to gym between my two hour break between classes." I'm excited. I'd be even more excited if my Ipod was here yet... but meh what can you do?

At least I'm starting somewhere-and being aware of what I'm putting into my body, even if it's not good stuff.

i'll write after dinner.

~Arwen

today! so far

So let's see. So far today I've eaten some beef jerky. (I know! I know!!). Then for breakfast/brunch I had half a grapfruit, some green tea, blueberry yogurt with granola...

Which I think is pretty good. I haven't eaten since then and I'm going to the caferteria at 6pm...I will NOT eat anything before that. :)

I didn't work out today because I'm not feeling too great, but I did a lot of breathing and stretching-so at least that's good.

I'll report dinner later.

~Arwen

weight-still 148.6

The rest of the day...How quickly can you forget!

Hello!

So, with the cafeteria closed and my tummy grouling, I went out to eat with my WONDERFUL roomate Becca. I went to a nice little cafe called "The blueberry muffin" and ordered a veggie and cheese omelettel, toast, and a coffee. The thing is-I probably should have just ate half of what was on my plate...but I didn't.

Later on I ate a small bag of baked potato chips.

For dinner I ate a personal size cheese pizza...

ANd...I ate some beef jerky just now...

I feel not too good about my food choices for the day. I actually like eating in the caferteria, because then I don't tend to eat as much-and they have LOTS of veggies and fruit there...I really should go there more often.

Also, I have found a time in my schedule on Mondays and Wednesdays where I an go to the YMCA and workout in between classes. I think that'll be fun. I start tomorrow. And! I have an IPOD coming to give me an extra boost of umm enthusiasm...(My friend found a first generation 2gb nano for me on Ebay as a birthday present. It's coming in the mail.) So that should really help. And once rehearsals start, I'll be dancing like no one's business.

MAN I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT IPOD! I think I'll start making a workout playlist! Anygood song suggestions?

~Arwen

ugg fest. 148.6

Sometimes I just cannot believe my weight. It frustrates me that I am not smaller. Even though I "know" how to get smaller, I'm just not quite sure how to do it. I want instant results, like anybody else, and when I see that my weight has gone up, I start to freak out.

I'm beginning to accept my body, and like it for what it is, and through the process reshape it. I have started up dance classes-two times a week, plus I will have rehearsal every night soon, so I will have less time to eat, the only thing I need to worry about is not eating late after rehearsals, and I should be fine. Although, it is really hard for me to get to sleep on an empty stomach.

Isn't it awful that I'm having trouble NOT eating food, when other places on this planet, people having trouble finding enough food to eat!?!

It's so dumb. I'm going to try and wait to eat unless I feel hungry today.

My breakfast: a nature valley peanut granola bar: 180 calories.

love,
Arwen

p.s.

I'm sooo dreading coming back to school and being fatter than my competition for the role I want in the fall musical...

GURR!!

My fatness is getting in the way of my dreams!! And I'm letting it!!

Think Arwen!! "Who would give up what they want without a trial?"

love,
Arwen

p.s. Arwen you have to love yourself, take care of your body...!

i just keep getting fatter!

I remember sometimes when I used to complain to my sister about being fat, and she would say "well at least you're pretty." (She thought she was ugly). The unfair thing about her saying that was that she thought she was ugly when she really wasn't. And Plus!! I'm all broken out and ugly right now, and my face is fat and NOT pretty. And I'm fat.

I cannot believe, I look at every single entry on here, and how I plan to be a certain weight by a certain time, I never helps, and it seems as if I'm rapidly gaining weight! I just am soo ticked.

And fat, yes is something that hypotheically you can work on. But, I just get sooo distracted by work and school, I feel I never have the time of energy to work out. And I'm always looking forward, once school starts I know I'll workout more, "once my class starts..." and I hear the same thing from my overweight friends "I know I'll eat right when I'm skinnier." And I think "no! You have to change now! You cant sit around waiting until the next thing-because the next thing will never end up being enough to change you.


I'm not going to magically start eating right when I'm skinnier.

The cold hard fact is I'm addicted to food! I think about it sooo often, when I'm bored I think "I could eat something" I spend time thinking about my next meal, or what would make a good snack. I am in LOVE with the different textures and tastes. And I don't know why I'm addicted to it. And unlike things like smoking which people do not physically need in their life, I have to face my addiction everyday! Technically I could go anorexic, but it would just end up making me fatter in the end anyway. I look at these crazy diets people put up-where they eat 200 calories a day think "how can they do that and have energy?!?" Plus I get hungry so quickly! Which I think must be cuz I've over-eaten and expanded my stomach so much.

I wonder if my ADD evaluations will help at all with my eating problem.

Well....today I'm going to bed...I just need to vent. The other thing that would probably help me is writing in this everyday...but I get too distracted to do that toO!


MAN ALIVE!
i'll vent more later. I'm tired.

~Arwen

little fat me

I am taking that book back to the library!

I tried to follow the advice-and I didn't weigh myself for a while. I ended up weighing 146lbs!

OMG!! I cannot believe this. I'm so frustrated. It's like I have to start all over again. Except this time I'm 2 more pounds in the red.

I have set a goal weight #1: 130lbs by September 2nd. That's 16lbs in 45 days. that's .35lbs a day....is that healthy? or doable? I'm not sure. That's 2.48lbs a week.--SO well I guess hoping to be at 135 would be more doable.

I started that class at the Y on Monday. Butts and guts. There are also 2 other classes which I plan on attending next week. One's on Wed, and one's on Friday. So that'll be good.

The thing I need to work on the most is not eating so much. Tomorrow I am not sure what I will eat. But I'm done eating for the day. COMPLETELY DONE! I'm soo full right now! I had the rest of my dinner for breakfast. Some fig newtons for a snack. Then I ate a turkey sandwich and the rest of a bag of pretzels. I need to know how to eat when my stomach is actually hungry and how not to overeat. How to stop when I'm full. And I need to figure out why I'm eating when I'm not hungry.

well i'm kind of ashamed at myself right now. I'm outie.

I hope this will have some turn around. I guess I just need to keep track of stuff. Because when I don't things become out of control.
TTYL
~Arwen

p.s. is there any hope?!?

Weight

140.8...

I forgot to mention I was going to go work out at the Y today- and hopefully sign up for a class that starts next week if I am correct. It's called Butts and Guts-(Hey! The two areas I need to work on!) Plus that'd be one day a week I know I'll get some extra exercise in. I'm looking at my schedule for school and I'm probably going to work out with the "early bird" class on the days I don't have dance class. Maybe take like 2 out of the 3 days of classes. Or hey! Maybe I'll be ambitious enough for 3-making 5 days of exercise a week. If I do decide to take monday or friday off I'll most likely workout on Saturdays-if my schedule allows.

Well-tata. I'll report back at the end of the day.

hello there!

Well here's what I ate yesturday:

raisin bran and milk for b-fast, a cold slooppy joe and carrots for lunch, about 6 pieces of hardy candy from the library, a crystal light raspberry drink, three small pieces of frozen cheese pizza, and then later on that night I had a small bowl of raisin bran. (Man I love raisin bran. lol.)
I don't think I ate too much-the portion sizes were okay-but seriously-I was like instantly physically hungry after I ate. I guess that's a good thing-it's just frustrating-because I want to at least feel like I know I ate something-because so often I just eat so much-because I'm not satisified.

I starting reading a book called "Overcoming Overeating" I haven't read much to far-but it sounds promising.

I haven't decided on my breakfast yet-I was thinking another bowl of raisin bran-(We don't really have much for choices) And I'm not in the mood to make cream of wheat-although I might have that tomorrow.

Lunch: Probably something like some soup-since we have a lot of it in our pantry.

~Arwen

trivial?

so i know to people who read this, my "obsession" as it may come accross...well being over-weight is something I've struggled with for all of my life...I have a serious problem of overeating, and I really want to redirect it so I don't spiral down a bad path.
Plus, being in the best shape is 100% necessary for being an actor. No matter how many times I tell myself this, the realization is still not enough motivation...UGG it is sooo frustrating, plus I'm just really stressed out right now-I am going to have to let some of my friends down, I'm really stressed about job stuff. money stuff, and etc.!

So yeah-this blog helps me think about things.

BMI calc!

if I just think about it...I need to be at least 136 by the end of July, that's completely do able-that's only 141-136=five pounds. I can do it! I can do it! Then august I'll try to lose five-six more pounds-depending how far I get by the end of July, and how hard it is to get to 136. Only five pounds away from not being overweight-and slowly I'll reach my goal weight! I can do this!

an update on a blah day

So I weighed myself today-this morning I was like 139.5. Now, after eating the weird combinations of awful foods-which I will embarassingly share with you, I am 141.6. Blah!! I've been drinking tons of water since the weather is so hot. I went for a 25 min bike ride. I plan on doing some jumping jacks and pushups and abs yet too. So hopefully that will help with the awful I ate this morning. I'm also worried cause I told Becca I'd visit her at work today-sit in her section and try to get my neighbors to go with. Unfortunately, I should have put that in the back of my mind whilst I crammed: the leftovers from last night's pasta and veggies I made, some organice grapenuts with a banana in it (UM! Yeah-I don't think I like them.) Then I ate a hershy's bar (?!?!?!?), some pretzals and mustard, and a piece of frozen cake with some chocolate ice cream. (?!?!?!?!!?). Serioulsly! Can you say binge? It is true that planned out meals are the key to losing weight-because then you don't end up eating like random crap!

And the worst part is: The restaurant is going to have greasy crappy food, maybe I'll order a soup. Man! I really wasted my food intake for the day-cuz I really wanted to make a fresh salad with my greens before they go bad! Now I probably shouldn't eat anything more.

YET! Natalie-one of my roomie'ss-just got back from Peru, so my other roomie Laura baked her a cake!! TEMPTATION is EVERYWHERE! Ugg! I know I must NOT have a piece of that cake. I need to stay on track.especially after a horrible morning.

I'm going to try not to eat any candy at work tomorrow. It's such a tough shift though, but it's right between lunch and dinner, so therefore I should convince myself I don't need to munch on anything out of boredom or such. Well, hmm. I think that's about it.

I don't know how to salvage this horrible day, but I'll try. I have to rescue the skinny me from the layers of fat it is trapped in!!

love,
Arwen

a recap on yesturday and so far today

Hey folks!!

Last night was tough, I had grapenuts and cottage cheese a little after dinner. And Oh my goodness! I wanted Icecream sooo bad. But I didn't have any. However I ate a lot of peppermint candies yesturday so I'm sure that wasn't good. Today I had a granola bar and a yogurt for breakfast: 300 calories. I can't imagine those diets where people have liike 200cal in one day and that's it! I know cutting calories is important in losing weight-but not that much I don't think.
Then after church I had one cookie-oatmeal raisin. I'm proud of myself for juist eating one cookie instead of like 3. Then for a snack/lunch? I had cottage cheese with grapenuts. I was planning on making a salad for lunch, but I'm kind of full from the grapenuts, and I'm just wondering if I should run with that and not havea salad until dinner time. I haven't decided yet...

Hmm! The kay to losing weight, I read in a book, is to plan your meals ahead of time. Well I didn't plan the grapenuts-so that's bad.

Well I'll follow up later.

~Arwen

today today

Soooo I LOVE days when I work. (That's sarcastic!) I had a little bit of frozen pizza and a granola bar for breakfast, a panini for lunch, and a BIG salad and a little more frozen pizza. and some peppermint candies for dinner.


Probably not the BEST day-but ya know...

the rest of the day

So I worked out today-biked to the YMCA, did 30min of running and then some weights and abs and stretching. Then biked home.

I was planning on making a nice salad for dinner-cuz I just got some fresh stuff at the farmers market-however, when I got home everyone informed me they were going to noodles. Well I couldn't be a party ppoper cuz Natalie is leaving for Peru tomorrow (Natalie is one of my roomies). So anyway, I got the thai coconut curry soup-which is mostly water. Then I hada big glass of water, and I put a lot of spicy on my soup.

Afterwards however, the group deicided to go to Coldstone. Thanks to being poor, I said I couldn't get any. I did however have a couple bites of other people's icecream. You know what! I HATE sugar, because it just makes you hungrier and hungrier, like the first thing I thought when I got home was hmmm I'm hungry. But I wasn't really!! I'm going to go brush my teeth, and I am not going to have anymore food tonight! Nothing. NOTHING!!


Talk to you in the morning!!


love,
Arwen

BMI calculations

I'm at 26.5-OVERWEIGHT CATAGORY!! BAH!

to be 18.5 BMI, I need to weight 101lbs! If I weight 11olbs I'll be at 20BMI. If I weight 136lbs, I'll be at the max BMI under the normal weight catagory...

so 136 is the highest in the normal catagory, and 101 is the lowest!! that's a 35lb difference! So man I must be sooo overweight. I feel like such a fatty!

fat fat fat me!!!

So Natalie Bought a scale-because she is going to Peru, so of course I weighed myself. I'm 144.8 lbs!!! YUCK!! I'm so overwieght for my height! I need to lose 35 lbs!!! It seems almost impossible. YOu know I think sometimes-"I really don't look too fat" But I must! 35+ lbs ovreweight is just insane.

Today for breakfast I had a bowl of cinamon frosted mini wheats and milk. Then at work I ate some cheese and about 1/2 of a cheese and avacado pannini, and then I just had a grape freeze pop.

I'm going to go to the YMCA today. I'm going to clean my room today. I'm going to lose 2lbs by next friday. Still though, honestly, 142.8 sound just as yucky! This is going to take forever and a day!! I cannot believe I'm only 5'2" and on top of that- I can't believe I have the nerve to wear a bikini in Public!!

Bah!! I'm sorry worried! But honestly, this is helping me already, when I was eating the food at work I though, "I'm going to have to write about this in my food blog."

So hey! I think I'm off to a good start. But looking back, It sure does feel like I"m going no where! I will never never never let myself weigh more than I do today!! I will weight myself in the morning. And everyday I can-(If Natalie keeps the scale around. :))

ciao! I'll report back later to tell you what I eat for dinner. I will eat dinner at 5:30-no later. If I get hungry later that night, I will not eat!

a LONG way to go and stuck in the mudd

I am an addict, I really am. I am psycho!! I have such a case that I am so surprised I do not weight a million and five pounds! I gave my scale to good will at the end of the school year-thinking maybe if I didn't focus so much on my weight, it might help me lose it??!?!? What was I thinking.

I need to focus on why the heck I eat so much! Or why I'm never satisfied after I eat, and who is telking me I'm supposed to be satisfied afet I eat? The stupid comercials and crap. I just want to eat and eat and eat somemore!! Good food, fruity, salty, cold, moist, sweet, chocolately, crunchy, spicy food! Then afterwards I feel my globby stomach and mushy thighs, and wish that I felt comfortable in my body. Oh I wish I felt comfortable in my body. Chic and tiny and sexy and tight and strong and comfortable!!

I think I really need to start blogging again, it really helped me be more aware and in control of the crap I'm letting into my body...

well my roomie is in bed. I'll srite more tomorrow after eating a really healthily!!

and by sept 1 I'm going to be 4 inches thinner around my waiste! and have a nice set of abs, sey arms and a tight butt!!

~Arwen

Why hello!

Hey!
I haven't blogged in a while, business taking over. Here's an update.

I am at 137, solid 29 inch waiste.

Ate HORRIBLY yesturday! But I did work out. And I just got a personal trainer and we are starting to meet every friday at 4:00 next week. Also, I have and hour and a half dance class two times a week, my trainer wants me to get in 30 minutes of cardio two times a week besides dance, and then I have a one-on-one ballet training for 45min on fridays also. So combined with eating healthy, I am on my way to my goal!!

But today so far I ate:
breakfast:
yogurt

snack: sesame sticks

lunch: veggie juice, and hummus, cheese, spinach sandwich.

And of course, I am drinking TONS of water.

peace out!
~Arwen

Sticking to my plan:

So I did not stick to my food plan, I think I ate too much, BUT this is what I ate:

breakfast: shreddded cinnamon wheat and milk, i egg, 2 crackers (yeah I know!! a lot!)

snack: celery sticks

lunch: a hummus and feta sandwich-but i only bought half of one because a whole one would be super bug! oh, and a V8 fruit drink.

So now I'm not hungry, I didn't work out yet because I don't have any clean close.

So, If I don't work out, then I will not eat anymore tonight, and... If I do work out, I will have my yogurt.

Good night my lovely blog!
Also, tomorrow night I am going out with my friends for dinner because they're visiting, so I hope I need to remember not to over eat at dinner.

Hmmm actually! I just realized I have to work out today and tomorrow to reach my goal of 3 days of working out a week!! Alright!! I am going to work out then!!

Making a layout

So today I made a layout of what I was going to eat:

I'm on track so far. for breakfast i've had shredded wheat cereal and milk.

A much needed reflection.

I keep setting myself back. When I'm having a day when I feel sore or I am tired, I tend to overeat On those days, it is probably more important to eat more healthy. I need to avoid sugar, because that also makes me eat more I think.

I ate a lot today: like ugg! some of it was healthy, but some of it was unecessary. I need self-control. Otherwise all my efforts to lose weight and be slimmer will go to waste. I was 139 on sunday. My goal as you know is to be under135 in 2 weeks. So I better get cracking!!

Weekends are always tough

So I have realized that on weekends is when I tend to over-eat. Last night I went to a super bowl party and ate way too much!

I think I'm going to have to put up my list of enemies around the house. This is a fat battle, and right now I'm losing. I am going to try and be 135 in two weeks.

I met my work out goals last week, but I need to work more about being aware of what I eat. I had homemade eggrolls (six of them, and it just occcured to me that they're fried, so they're on my enemy list) and a banana, and some veggie juice.

I feel full right now. It sucks because I don't like feeling full, but I don't like eating and then being like..."uh...I'm not full." Feeling hungry is important though. I just have to know when to stop eating.

I need to work out today.

Wow!! I started pretty bad today!

Ugh!!
So last night I volunteered to do serve at this really fancy dinner. It was crazy! They had a seven course meal-not including the amuse beforehand, and champane and five different kinds of wine! Crazy fun!! Plus I got to try a lot of the food afterwards too. I didn't eat too much or anything or feel full though.

But I swear, I've just been having random cravings today for stuff (it must be that time of the month-ya know). And basically just been eating random things-for breakfast I had a glass of oj, half an apple, a fried egg and american cheese on a buiscut (if you can't tell I went to debot). Then I've been snacking on chocolat e graham crackers and ate a little debbie's brownie! So little yet 290 calories!!! OMG!! If I had known that before I ate the little debbie-I would NEVER have touched it!

So I guess I have not been practicing very mindful eating today. I am going to go workout. But I don't even know if I have the capacity to burn off 290 calories-that is truely bogus! I'm sure they really don't need to have 290 calories-that is just a little excessive.

Well...I guess I have to keep trying and never ever touch a little debbie's again! I have learned my lesson.

~Arwen

So Far today

So far I have eaten:
breakfast:
a handful of cinnamon wheat toast
and an apple

lunch: tuna sandwich-homemade-light on the mayo. on half a bagel.
veggie juice
handful of baked chips

I was too tired to work out after work-but I have tap club for an hour today and then I'll be on my toes serving for a banquet tonight.

I am going to take a nap before class. :)

Today, today!

So, for breakfast I had half a bagel with some blackberry jam and an apple.

Later for a snack I had a handful of cinnamon shredded wheat.

Then I had classes for about 5 hours straight and was starving, because then afterwards I went to target, and then afterwards Cody, Molly, and I made a stir fry. It was good, and we used brown rice, Oh! ANd I also had 2 egg rolls as well.

After dinner, we were thinking ice cream...so YES!! I bought a Ben and Jerry's. But don't worry! I didn't eat it all-I only had one serving...and later into the night I really wanted to get it out of the freezer and eat it. But I didn't! But I'm thinking I should not had the ice cream around in the first place...so now that I'm thinking clearly, what am I supposed to do with it?!? I dunno. But right now it's out of sight, out of mind.

I worked out twice yesturday. I did not work out today. But I have dance tomorrow so that's something, and maybe I'll work out later. Molly wants to go work out on friday!! So I'm definitely going to work out with her!! (She worked out with me yesturday) PLUS!!! Friday is also the start of "tap club". And let me tell you: tapping is one heck of a workout if you do it right!! So I'll be very physically active on friday too! YAY!! That will give me my goal of working out 3 times this week not including dance class. Saturday I have Arts Bash, but perhaps I could even get a workout in then. Sunday I have auditions, but not all day long-So maybe if they go well and I'm excited afterwards I can blow off some audreneline running.

Alrighty!! Talk to you soon Blogger!

A Delicious Cup of Soup

Yummmm. Right now, I am eating a delicious cup of soup.

I worked early today, so this glorious, hot, flavorful, cup of instant soup from Lipton is my first meal of the day. Literally, it is so good!!

And I did work out this weekend! So I met that goal! But unfortunately, I did eat unhealthy food this weekend: ice cream and chocolate fudge! Then last night I watched the illusionist and snacked on m&m's and this yummy caramel popcorn sorta stuff.

However-I did not drink any soda at all. I usually don't ever drink soda, but I'm trying to make sure I never drink it. It is bad.

Right now I'm a little tired. I have classes and guitar lessons still. I want to work out today, not quite sure when I can squeeze it in. But we'll see.

Ciao!

Back to Normalcy...

So, now that I'm done being sick. I am back to eating food. YAY!!!! Today I had

Half a Bagel with Peanut butter and an apple. (And ya know what: I didn't feel like I had to finish it all!! YAY! Very exciting for me. I had probably about two bites left of my bagel and was like hmm ya know, I'm done!

Then I had a banana. For a snack before theory at 12(I love bananas soooo much!! they are so yummy!!

At 3:00 I had a small (I mean really small!) cup of lentil soup. It was equally yum yum yummy!!!

Around 5:30/6ish I had a can of veggie juice, a handful of carrots and a slice of pizza. (smaller than my hand). And I only had one slice because that's all that was there. :) But I forgot when I ate it that it was my enemy!!

I also had dance class today-worked up quite a sweat.

Good Things: Ate small portions, I'm under 140. Now I need to work on being under 135. (A little at a time baby!!) I ate very healthy! I drank lots of water.

Bad Things: I tend to eat a lot later in the day. So I need to be more aware of that. I didn't get to exercise much this week, because of how the lovely week started with me being sick and I didn't want to exhaust myself by doing too much.

My goals for exercising is to exercise once while I'm at home this weekend (friday night or sat. morning). So that I can put 2 stickers on for this week. And next week I want to exercise 3 time, dance classes NOT included. I know 3 times doesn't seem like much, but I want to build from there. If I can do 3x a week not including dance class for 4 weeks straight, then I will buy myself a new top or something I want that is not food, haha.

Well I am done eating for today, so I better stick to that. I'm sure I can do it!

ciao!

sick

So, right after I wrote that lovely blog I had some cereal with a banana. However, it didn't stay down for long. Later that day I barfed it up, then barfed again and again and again and again. Yeah, so I definitly had a 24 flu or something. I feel somewhat better today. I am still kind of afraid to eat anything. But i've had some chicken broth and sprite and water.

Hopefully I'll be fully recovered by tomorow. Oh, so obivously I didn't work out yesterday, we'll see about today. I'm still feeling pretty weak, and I have dance today-so hopefully it won't be too intense.

back at school

So here I am.

Yesturday I ate well, accept!! I lost a huge battle! Breakfast were correctly proportioned and healthy, but my roomate got pizza for her friend and me because we helped move her stuff in. I put pizza on my enemy list because I can't eat just one piece. I ended up eating four slices (it was a medium pizza so the slices were smaller) and through it all I kept rationalizing about it, (like stating that the slices were smaller than a large pizza). Not matter what, just have a hard time saying no to food when it kind of involves people, because I don't want to hurt their feelings by rejecting it, and I don't want to sound like a vain freak and say "oh I can't have pizza." I know this sounds weird, but I'm dead serious.

So maybe I can learn to say instead of "I am forbidden to have pizza" I could just lie and say "Oh, no thanks, I don't really feel like pizza." Then they will not buy as much pizza. And then while they're eating it in my face I can battle internally.

I will not die if I don't eat pizza. In fact, it will probably make me feel better if I avoid it.

I had work early today, and I felt rather sick before hand, so all I had were graham crackers. My stomach is feeling a little better and I think I might chance eating a grape fruit and some cereal.

I am exercising today. I'm hoping my roomie will go with me. But either way I'm going! Yay! I'm excited to put a sticker on my lovely exercising chart!

Things So far

Things are going pretty well. I go back to school tomorrow, so I am very excited about that. Last night I made workout charts for my roomate and me for the semester. She seems to be interested in working out and eating healthier too, so maybe this will be a little easier than I thought.

I admit, my friend brought back some candy from her trip to Florida for me, and as you have already found out I feel really bad about turning down gifts. I am thinking of adding chocolate to my enemie list, I hadn't realized that I didn't.

Today I have had a bowl of total with a banana for breakfast and a small baked potato with some chopped green peppers and colby jack cheese and some ranch dressing and then a handful of raisins.

I love food, so this s a hard process, but I guess it's also a good thing because I also enjoy healthy foods. The main things I need to work on is continue to stay to a normal meal schedule, to not eat after 7:30, don't over eat, and consistantly workout.

Hopefully having a fitness chart will help me keep up with my regularity of exercising. I think I am having a much better attitude now than I was at the beginning of all this, and that will make all the difference. I can do this!! I am excited to do this!! I am doing this!!

The Diet War! Rescue the skinny me!!

So today on Tyra Banks talk show, (I'm on break and was waiting for the numbness in my cheek to wear off), she had guests that were trying to lose weight. She talked about it like it was a diet war, and every time you wanted to eat something you know you shouldn't and didn't it's like winning a battle.

So today I made a list of my enemies who I must avoid. I know that some people don't believe in restricting food, but for me, there are some foods that I know I will eat too much of if I eat them:

cookies
donuts
cake
ice cream
any sweet coffee drink
french fries
hash browns
bacon
syrup
and dare I say it:
pizza! (this one becaus I can't just have 1 slice ya know!!)

I might add more to the list but that's all for now! So anytime I see those foods, I have to think that they are my enemies and want to make me fat. (I know it sounds goofy!)

I need to rescue the skinny me from the chunky me!

So, I think exercising will be part of the training for the war, to help me fight the battles. I also found a pretty good list of healthy food to eat, so these foods will be my allies, BUT! like any ally, you cannot rely on them all of the time (meaning over eating), you have to rely on your own slef discipline.

Don't worry skinny me! I'm coming!!!

I have to ask myself

Am I commited?
Don't I want a healthier, more fufilling life, free of guilt from eating random things?
I need to be more positive about this.
My sister is right, I have to love me no matter what I look like.
Right now I like how my face looks, minus the acne (UGG!)

But I am making this commitment now, for my future goals, because in order to reach them I have to get over this mohill.

Today I drank a lot of water, ate semi-random (which is not good).

I need to establish times when I eat to keep me from eating so randomly.

When I start school, my classes start at around 12pm. This makes it very possible for me to exercise before the days classes. As soon as my boss sends me my schedule for next semester I can plan everything out.

I really am excited to go back to school. Now that I have settled into college I can start focusing on the things I need to be. Reaching the right weight is just a small part of that.

To my overall frustration

Well,
In trying to keep a blog to help my efforts, I have actually gained 5lbs. I honestly am very frustrated. Meaning I now have to lose 30lbs instead of 25.

I just feel like I don't know what to do. I don't know why I am so reliant on food, because it honestly sucks half the time. I can't do this on my own. That's why I ask a couple people to support me. When I wanted that support last summer, people said right away I couldn't do it. It sucked not to have any friends to support me, or believe in me. I want to get over something that has been a huge issue in my life.

I want to be skinny and fit, so that I can feel more comfortable moving in dance class and on stage, and so I can wear whatever I want and not worry about it making me look more bulky.

Today sucked. Being at home varies between one extreme of being great and being terribly stressful and awful. I hate it today because I hate how I always eat crap when I'm here because that's a habit I picked up when I used to live here. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, HATE IT, because I don't know how to change that while I'm at home.

It seems like overall looking at these blogs, that my main word to describe my efforts has been frustration. I can't quite explain it fully. But I want to be more positive about it, because I know that's the only way to lose weight.

But if I have no one backing me up, it's a little hard to stay positive.

I Hate Myself!!

I ate after I promised myself I wouldn't. I had popcorn and a banana.

I feel fat.

I am really frustrated that I can't care enough about myself to keep my commitment.

I will still keep blogging.

Guilty and Frustrated!!!

I didn't write anything yesturday-mainly because I felt guilty about constantly eating bits of the brownies my mom baked yesturday.

I am so frustrated. I don't even know how to begin to write it into words. With me, it's like there are 2 extremes, you eat or don't eat. There is no middle it seems.

I think to be successful in losing y 25 pounds (I weight 140 and am a short 5'3") I need to:

A. Set up a routine time where I can eat-a strict regime, but if there is none then I go crazy.

B. Make a bigger connection between what I'm eating and the fact that it turns into how my body looks (or something like that)

I don't know why, but for some reason, when I wake up in the morning and go downstairs, if I don't have my contacts in, I seem to think that anything I consume without them in is calorie free and I start pecking at anything in sight like a blind bat searching for insects. I wonder why I have this warped logic, but it does make a good analogy.

Without seeing clearly what we are putting into our mouths, or more specifically my mouth, we consume ignorantly. It sucks. I also seem to think my brother's high fructose corn syrup conspiracy may prove valid.

After I put in my contacts I started off well. I toasted a light english muffin and spread smart balance on it, and cut the stems off of three big, ripe, juicy strawberries.

However!!! When I came back from the dentisit a little later in the day I guzzled down a Santa Fe chicken Lean Cuisine meal, followed by more strawberries and then Ramen noodles.

AYYYY CARUMBA!!! okay! Now do my friends believe me when I say I have ate a lot?

It doesn't stop there. My lovely brothers had to cook a frozen pizza. They burned it in fact. But I still servered a piece off!

I am done for the day. The funny thing is. When I say this, it usually means I'm not. But today, I will put all of my strength into making sure I am done for the day.

I will also promise myself these two things:

I will start my day and not enter the kitchen until I am fully dressed for the day and have my eyes in. While I am dressing I will think about making correctly-proportioned, heallthy, food choices.

At 7pm, I will cut off my food intake for the day, no matter if I have eaten dinner or not. I will not cheat, because this is a promise I make to myself to reach my goals, and I care enough about my body to keep it.

I will not make piss poor excuses, I will rise to the challenge in store instead of foggily drifting through each day being lead by my the big fat belly lady inside me. Instead, I will listen to the tiny skinny me, who although is sometimes hard to hear over big fat belly lady, is inside just waiting to come out and flaunt herself to the world.

Ciao!!
I am really truely DONE eating for the day. MY BELLY FACTORY IS CLOSED!!

Some positive and some negative

I cannot wait to get back to the dorms!! You know why? Because then I won't snack on random food around my parent's house. I already confessed about the whole cinnamon role thing!

The snacking continued for throughout the day, just bits here and there but probably enough to add up. I also had dinner: a piece of breaded chicken, acorn squash, and sweet corn. After dinner I stopped eating. However I am still meeting my friend Laura at Starbucks at 10pm. She's off to London :'( so we just wanted to hang out one last time before she leaves. Though starbucks is tempting I will have tea.

It has been hard to get out of the house because I really don't have consistent means of transportation, (even though I do have like 17 cars in my driveway!!) But I want to get some of those yummy naked drinks. My favorite is blueberry pomagranite.

Oh! I forgot to mention! I did an intense workout today. So that probably counts for something. I really liked the DVD I did so I think I'll do it again. Plus my family got a membership to the YMCA, so I can utilize that too.

Ciao!!
p.s. Once I get back to school I will start to measure and weigh myself.

Frustrated and want to go home

UGH!!! For breakfast there were cinnamon rolls!! So of course I had one, as well as a small bowl of Honey Bunches of oats, and some green tea.

I hope I can redeem myself. I am going to excercise. And only eat veggies and fruit the rest of the day. No more carbs today!!

It was a crouton kind of a Day

Yeah. So. I ate breakfast at 11:30 today, determined to start the day right.

I saw my darling mother had made biscuits and gravy (a childhood favorite which in recent year I have sworn off due to the fact it's liquid flour mixed with more calories poured on top of mmm...you betcha! MORE CALORIES). So instead I made some green tea, basted an egg and had a biscuit with some "You bet you keister it's not butter" and a drizzle of honey. (I believe honey is probably the only sweetener that is okay to use. I don't know why I just do.) I was about to have some yogurt, but thought is would be unnecessary. I also really wanted to put some cheese on my egg, but I withstrained (word?) myself.

About an hour and a half after eating I think my mindless started to kick in and I had a handful of croutons (and like ten raisins). My rationale behind this was not completely logically sound but-I thought to myself: I am babysitting soon and straight after that going to Courtney's Mark Kay thing. I should probably eat something.

Yeah, not my finest moment I know. While babysitting Maggie was like "let's have ice cream!!." Well, it was from whole foods, and banana (my favorite flavor of ice cream), so I said why not! All keeping in mind this was like my lunch. And I didn't have too much either.

After that I came home, took a bite of one of my mum's famous cinnamon rolls (thanks MOM!!! :P) , and headed out to the Mary Kay thing.

On our way home Courtney asked me if I was hungry and wanted to get food somewhere. At first I was like: "yeah, I haven't eaten dinner yet." But I remember I need to keep this commitment to myself so I declined. (Probably good for my Bank account too since I am a poor college student). (Wow I use parenthesis a lot).

HOWEVER!!! When I got home at nine (past my 7pm food cut off time) I cut up some grilled chicken and put it on top of a salad. (topped with croutons of course!!). It was good, but like a a dog sniffing out anything edible, I took out 5 chips and some spicy salsa. After I had consumed the chips I noticed some whip topping in my fridge and thought I'd have some make shift ice cream topped with a spoon of chocolate fudge and some white chocolate chips. WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!? Bottom line: I wasn't, because if I was I would have looked at that nasty concoction and been like "GIRL!! WHY YOU BE EATIN THIS!?!"

Today definitely had it's good and bad moments. I did go quite a while without thinking about food while at the Mary Kay thing. And while my intentions for my original two meals were pretty decent. (the egg and biscuit and the grilled chicken salad) the random snack in between made my good intentions pointless. Also I did not feel overly full like I have been feeling the past days back home.

To be honest, I am really extremely disappointed with myself. Not just because of today, but because when I went to school in September, I psyched myself up and boasted to my friends that I would be a size 3 by Christmas. HAHA. Luckily, my friends were gracious enough to not be smart ass about it. (Thanks guys. haha).

But in all seriousness, and the fact that this blog is called "Getting Serious" I thought writing stuff down would help me think consciously every day about the eating choices I am making and slowly learn how to control my life instead of food controlling all my thoughts. I really do want to get serious and change my life for the better. The part you are reading in here is only about the physical. But I guarantee that whatever change I will make on the outside, it will be a reflection of a greater change within.

I was for real in August, but I hope now that I have my humble cap on, I will be able to make that possible. And yes there is a part of me, for whatever reason, I afraid of being skinny. I love attention, but I am very self conscious, I'd rather get attention because I'm clever or funny, not due to how I look. I know it must seem stupid, but it's true. I'm sure once I feel great about losing weight I will forget all about my fears.

Because it's gotten out of control

Alright, so I'm not obese. I'm not smuggling hohos and hershy's bars in my bra, (1. because it would me uncomfortable and 2. because i'm not endowed enough to successfully disguise such objects into my 36B.

Without going into too many details, the "skinny" is this. I'm a 5'3" freshman in college. For the past 2 years of my life I've gravitated closley around the 140lbs mark on my $5 scale. I can make no excuses. It is not my body's slow metabolism, or the food corporations doing, or my cheap $5 dollar scale upon which I can blame my 25+lbs of excess on. The reason for my ONE flaw (joke) is my undying devotion to food. All kinds of food stir my fascination with their intracite flavors and textures. So after a couple spoonfuls of ice cream, serveral egg rolls, continually smaller and smaller slices of coffee cake, handful of nuts, three meatballs, three baked chips, some brocolli, and a full belly later, it is probably thanks to my fast metabollism I am not more overweight than I am.

It is the curse of a mindless snacker, snack-snacking myself into a fat existance. And this cannot be!!!! I am so sick of being overweight. And today, it stops.

Yes-I have no self control. But I know I can do this!! I just know I can. I'm almost there. If I can just stick to good eating habits I can be fit and trim.

i CAN DO THIS. I really really want to. I don't make excuses for being overweight! I don't know what else to say. I've just got to get serious. Starting now!!

Food Journal:
So today I have a pear and a half a cookie for breakfast. Yes not a very good start.

For lunch I went to PF Changs with my friend Courtney. I started out with some yummy decafinated ginger spice tea (no sugar of course). I ordered brown rice with my vegetable coconut curry. And also had two pan fried veggie dumplings and some of Court's Chicken fried rice.

I couldn't eat it all. I made sure to fill up with tea before the meal came. I was however full after. It's hard to say to yourself stop! If there's still food in front of you and you're not full. (I'm sure the like one person who actually reads this blog will be like DUH!!! But whatever.)

Then later on, Courtney wanted to go to Coldstone. I purposely left my wallet in the car so I wouldn't get anything. But, when I went in my friend Derek was working. So, I got something. I hadn't had Coldstone in forever!!! It was a small, but still! It waaaaas Coldstone. so BAD ME!!!

About 6:40, we called it quits on the shopping and I went home, where I finished off my Veggies and brown rice for dinner. I was super-de-duper good!! It had tofu in it too, and I love tofu! It was definitely satisfying. Afterwards I was going to maybe have some yogurt, but I thought to myself, "Nah, I'm full enough, I don't need it." So instead I drank a glass of water. And that was it for the rest of the night.

Although I realize I didn't have the best eating habit today, and I totally caved getting coldstone, today was probably my first time feeling hungry since I've been home for break! So I think that's a step in the right direction. I also have been exercising.

The holidays were definitely a step back for me. But that does not mean I should give up entirely. It means I must try harder.

Two Tips I learned today:
1. Never compramise your standards because you don't want to make someone feel bad if you don't eat. That's lame, and if people are that lame to be offended when you turn food down, that's their issue, not yours.

2. Drink as much Calorie free (and preferably FAKE sugar free) liquid as possible while at a restaurant before your meal has come. It will fill you up and you won't eat as much. Even if you feel like you may have-just think, at least you ate less than you would have if you hadn't filled up with water.

Plans For tomorrow and beyond:

I just want to say how excited I am to go back to school. I have changed my meal plan to 7 meals in the caf. instead of 14. This gives me way more flexability and hopefully will prevent me from over eating in the cafeteria. I will be chosing the food that goes into my fridge. Hopefully I can convince my roomate to eat more healthy next semester too, to eliminate all the junk food that glares at me while I'm watching TV.

I will be creating a workout chart-complete with stickers-to motivate me to reach my goal of exercising for five days a week. (Right now it's at the lazy 2-3 mark).

This will be a fit, determined, successful year all around. Let's see what tomorrow brings.