Guilty and Frustrated!!!

I didn't write anything yesturday-mainly because I felt guilty about constantly eating bits of the brownies my mom baked yesturday.

I am so frustrated. I don't even know how to begin to write it into words. With me, it's like there are 2 extremes, you eat or don't eat. There is no middle it seems.

I think to be successful in losing y 25 pounds (I weight 140 and am a short 5'3") I need to:

A. Set up a routine time where I can eat-a strict regime, but if there is none then I go crazy.

B. Make a bigger connection between what I'm eating and the fact that it turns into how my body looks (or something like that)

I don't know why, but for some reason, when I wake up in the morning and go downstairs, if I don't have my contacts in, I seem to think that anything I consume without them in is calorie free and I start pecking at anything in sight like a blind bat searching for insects. I wonder why I have this warped logic, but it does make a good analogy.

Without seeing clearly what we are putting into our mouths, or more specifically my mouth, we consume ignorantly. It sucks. I also seem to think my brother's high fructose corn syrup conspiracy may prove valid.

After I put in my contacts I started off well. I toasted a light english muffin and spread smart balance on it, and cut the stems off of three big, ripe, juicy strawberries.

However!!! When I came back from the dentisit a little later in the day I guzzled down a Santa Fe chicken Lean Cuisine meal, followed by more strawberries and then Ramen noodles.

AYYYY CARUMBA!!! okay! Now do my friends believe me when I say I have ate a lot?

It doesn't stop there. My lovely brothers had to cook a frozen pizza. They burned it in fact. But I still servered a piece off!

I am done for the day. The funny thing is. When I say this, it usually means I'm not. But today, I will put all of my strength into making sure I am done for the day.

I will also promise myself these two things:

I will start my day and not enter the kitchen until I am fully dressed for the day and have my eyes in. While I am dressing I will think about making correctly-proportioned, heallthy, food choices.

At 7pm, I will cut off my food intake for the day, no matter if I have eaten dinner or not. I will not cheat, because this is a promise I make to myself to reach my goals, and I care enough about my body to keep it.

I will not make piss poor excuses, I will rise to the challenge in store instead of foggily drifting through each day being lead by my the big fat belly lady inside me. Instead, I will listen to the tiny skinny me, who although is sometimes hard to hear over big fat belly lady, is inside just waiting to come out and flaunt herself to the world.

Ciao!!
I am really truely DONE eating for the day. MY BELLY FACTORY IS CLOSED!!