To my overall frustration

Well,
In trying to keep a blog to help my efforts, I have actually gained 5lbs. I honestly am very frustrated. Meaning I now have to lose 30lbs instead of 25.

I just feel like I don't know what to do. I don't know why I am so reliant on food, because it honestly sucks half the time. I can't do this on my own. That's why I ask a couple people to support me. When I wanted that support last summer, people said right away I couldn't do it. It sucked not to have any friends to support me, or believe in me. I want to get over something that has been a huge issue in my life.

I want to be skinny and fit, so that I can feel more comfortable moving in dance class and on stage, and so I can wear whatever I want and not worry about it making me look more bulky.

Today sucked. Being at home varies between one extreme of being great and being terribly stressful and awful. I hate it today because I hate how I always eat crap when I'm here because that's a habit I picked up when I used to live here. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, HATE IT, because I don't know how to change that while I'm at home.

It seems like overall looking at these blogs, that my main word to describe my efforts has been frustration. I can't quite explain it fully. But I want to be more positive about it, because I know that's the only way to lose weight.

But if I have no one backing me up, it's a little hard to stay positive.