It was a crouton kind of a Day

Yeah. So. I ate breakfast at 11:30 today, determined to start the day right.

I saw my darling mother had made biscuits and gravy (a childhood favorite which in recent year I have sworn off due to the fact it's liquid flour mixed with more calories poured on top of mmm...you betcha! MORE CALORIES). So instead I made some green tea, basted an egg and had a biscuit with some "You bet you keister it's not butter" and a drizzle of honey. (I believe honey is probably the only sweetener that is okay to use. I don't know why I just do.) I was about to have some yogurt, but thought is would be unnecessary. I also really wanted to put some cheese on my egg, but I withstrained (word?) myself.

About an hour and a half after eating I think my mindless started to kick in and I had a handful of croutons (and like ten raisins). My rationale behind this was not completely logically sound but-I thought to myself: I am babysitting soon and straight after that going to Courtney's Mark Kay thing. I should probably eat something.

Yeah, not my finest moment I know. While babysitting Maggie was like "let's have ice cream!!." Well, it was from whole foods, and banana (my favorite flavor of ice cream), so I said why not! All keeping in mind this was like my lunch. And I didn't have too much either.

After that I came home, took a bite of one of my mum's famous cinnamon rolls (thanks MOM!!! :P) , and headed out to the Mary Kay thing.

On our way home Courtney asked me if I was hungry and wanted to get food somewhere. At first I was like: "yeah, I haven't eaten dinner yet." But I remember I need to keep this commitment to myself so I declined. (Probably good for my Bank account too since I am a poor college student). (Wow I use parenthesis a lot).

HOWEVER!!! When I got home at nine (past my 7pm food cut off time) I cut up some grilled chicken and put it on top of a salad. (topped with croutons of course!!). It was good, but like a a dog sniffing out anything edible, I took out 5 chips and some spicy salsa. After I had consumed the chips I noticed some whip topping in my fridge and thought I'd have some make shift ice cream topped with a spoon of chocolate fudge and some white chocolate chips. WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!? Bottom line: I wasn't, because if I was I would have looked at that nasty concoction and been like "GIRL!! WHY YOU BE EATIN THIS!?!"

Today definitely had it's good and bad moments. I did go quite a while without thinking about food while at the Mary Kay thing. And while my intentions for my original two meals were pretty decent. (the egg and biscuit and the grilled chicken salad) the random snack in between made my good intentions pointless. Also I did not feel overly full like I have been feeling the past days back home.

To be honest, I am really extremely disappointed with myself. Not just because of today, but because when I went to school in September, I psyched myself up and boasted to my friends that I would be a size 3 by Christmas. HAHA. Luckily, my friends were gracious enough to not be smart ass about it. (Thanks guys. haha).

But in all seriousness, and the fact that this blog is called "Getting Serious" I thought writing stuff down would help me think consciously every day about the eating choices I am making and slowly learn how to control my life instead of food controlling all my thoughts. I really do want to get serious and change my life for the better. The part you are reading in here is only about the physical. But I guarantee that whatever change I will make on the outside, it will be a reflection of a greater change within.

I was for real in August, but I hope now that I have my humble cap on, I will be able to make that possible. And yes there is a part of me, for whatever reason, I afraid of being skinny. I love attention, but I am very self conscious, I'd rather get attention because I'm clever or funny, not due to how I look. I know it must seem stupid, but it's true. I'm sure once I feel great about losing weight I will forget all about my fears.