its been a while.

Yo!

i'm back.


i have been busy and therefore neglected my food log once again.

but my doctor told me I need to be exercising 6xa week. (Right now it's about 3-4 times)...to help with my ADD stuff before I get a final diagnosis.

ciao for now.

ugg!

I neglected my diary this weekend-probably cuz I was doing bad. I did go for a run and bike ride yesturday-but I weighed myseld tonight-153 lbs!!! OMG!!

It is sooo frustrating.

I want to lose weight. I need to keep track of what I'm putting in my body-and how I'm working it off. I NEED to lose weight. I need to limit what and how much I eat. I need to be mindful about what I'm eating. I love myself and care enough about myself to do this. I can exercise everyday-it will help me feeling healthy and in the long run help me feel less sluggish and tired.

I'm getting the nano this weekend-so hopefully that'll be a big boost of inspiration. I want to look thinner-its just the road getting there is not as simple as I think it'll be. But I can do it. I know it. There are sooo many things I have done, I can do this. I've been thinking about joining weight watchers or something...but I really don't have the money. I just need some encouragement...

love,
Arwen

p.s. I've also decided to STOP eating dairy products for three weeks-to see if I feel better physically and break out less. SO I have to remind myself: NO DAIRY!!

the rest of thursday!

Well Peeps, I'm pretty proud of myself:

The rest of thursday I worked out for an hour and a half (dance class) I was REALLY sweaty!

Then I got a ham sub sandwich and a bag of sunchips. I ate half the ham and half the bag for lunch, around 3:00...

then ate the other half and chips before rehearsal around 5:50pm..I know this doesn't seem like much time in between-but it really helped me not to be hungry later in the night

8:00pm-Christine brought in cookies for her b-day-I only had half of a chocolate chip cookie!! YAY! I'm so proud of myself, because usually I would eat like 2 or 3.

This morning:
9:10am-eggs with salsa and hot sauce, a mini cran muffin (I put two on my plate but only had one of them! YAY), half a glass of soy milk, and half a grapefruit.

I plan on working out today too...not sure when-but I do plan on it. :)

love
~Arwen

p.s. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning... (eek!)

yesturday and this morning

I forgot to fill in my journal yesturday-mainly because I did pretty well. But I realized that I need to write down.

Ysetruday:
7:30am- scrambled eggs, salsa inside small tortilla, half a grapefruit, vanilla soymilk.

3:00pm--a turkey wrap with pepper jack cheese, a handful of pretzals

10:00pm--4 wheat thins

So things I need to improve on--i had LARGE GAPS in between times I was eating...mainly because of my schedule-but that's now good because then when you do get a chance to eat-you might eat too much...

I didn't workout today-we did have a pretty hard dance rehearsal-and I'm only counting that because I didn't eat very much later in the day.

My PIG OUT time is DEFNINITlY mid-afternoon. I know that for sure-that's the time of day I want to eat the most.

TODAY so far:

keeping in mind the mindful eating:
8:00am scrambled eggs with salsa of course (I don't think I will Ever get sick of eating this lol), piece of whole wheat toast (which I only ate 3/4 of.), quarter of a grapfruit, half a glass of milk, a couple bite of jello with straw berries in it.

11:50am-a handful of kashi cereal-I don't have time to eat before dance-but I know if I eat after dance I'll eat too much-so I'm eating just a little bit now.

a little shabby-but i made up for it

hey!

i worked out yesterday and today.

yesterday:
7:30am-a vitamin water and a kashi granola bar

1:00-a tofu fajita and oatmeal choco chip cookie

10:15pm-a turkey wrap with veggies, cheese and fat free ranch dresssing

(So the bad part on this day was not eating between 1 and 10, because if I had, then I wouldn't have eaten so late)

TODAY:

breakfast:
8:25am-an orange and some wheat thins

12:00 a beef wrap (it wasn't very big at all), some pasta salad, and raw veggies with vinegar and pepper, and of COURSE: an ice cream cone!

afternoon: okay this gets a little fuzzy--but sometimes during the afternoon i ate TWO!! oatmeal cream pies--the BIG ones, that are like 370 cals EACH!, some wheat thins and pretzals.

then I said that I wouldn't eat for the rest of the night to counter my bad afternoon, and I haven't eaten anything...so yay. and my tummy is hungry right about now-but I told it "NO!" you're done eating for the day.

I'm weighing myself tomorrow morning...this morning i was at 149.6 (I cannot believe that I'm in the 150's, that is just crazy-it makes me feel really fat:
On saturday I was hanging out with Becca and some of our guy friends, and they brought out a scale-(the reason escapes me at the moment)-and all weighed themselves, they were all 150, 155, 160!! Then Becca weighed herself-141, and I was like-I already know I weight, 150... WAH WAH!!

EWW! How sucky is that?

I gotta get skinnier-plus I kinda like this guy-and he's my thinspiration as my sis would say.

Love you all (really, no one reads this probably but)!! I'm trying my best-and I just got some good tips and a new motivation.

~Arwen

food today:

yuck.

breakfast:8:00-granola bar, banana, marble jack cheese stick

lunch: 12:00 - grilled turkey and cheese sandwich, iceburg lettuce salad w/ carrots, peas, and fat free ranch and a SMALL cone of soft serve.

3:00- pretzals, a stick of strign cheese, a banana

5:50: a bowl of progresso chicken noodle

11:00-A personal pizza. (WHY!! GOD! WHY did I have this!?!)

i'm going to bed, I can't bear to weight myself tonight.

~Arwen

goals for tomorrow

NO CAKE!!! (meaning I can have a small cone of soft serve- (It's not that bad for you) IF I have a healthy lunch.

Exercise: I will look for a chiro and give my full effort in dance class.

Weigh in-and more.

147.2lbs.

here's what I had today.

10am 100 cal yogurt.

1:00-tuna salad with iceberg lettuce, onions, and tomatos, some rice with baked beans. (I know baked beans are bad!) BUT!! The worst part is coming: a piece of chocolate cake with soft serve ice cream and crushed nuts. (I get cravings for ice cream and cake! I need to not eat it!)

4:00-bag of microwaved popcorn! (YUP I KNOW!) 100 cal bag of turkey jerky. (yeah-I'm a loser for the jerky)

5:00-small skim mocha w/o whip cream

11:00- pepper jack cheese and an apple.

I drank a lot of water today. It's been hard to exercise outside of rehearsal and dance class cuz my neck and back are in a LOT of pain. I'm trying to find a chiro around here though.


~Arwen

it's been a while

Hey,
I know it's been a while, I've had an awful weekend...food wise and life-wise. Hey look! I've found a correlation, when I'm stressed I eat.

Today, I've eaten some oriental snack mix, carrots, a bagel with cream cheese, a tortilla with some cheese and salsa, some oatmeal cream pies. WAY too much food. I'm not eating anymore today.

Tomorrow I will once again report time and amount of food i'm eating...

i'm going to nap.

~Arwen

setting some goals for tomorrow:

I will run tomorrow.

I will eat NO cake or ice cream.

thurs

there were some good moments, and some slip ups...

8:16 granola bar

9:20-oh no! Emily brought brownies because it was her birthday. I had two small brownies. GOsh darnit!

1:00 some gatorade and a handful of Kashi cereal

5:10pm a grain burger with a slice of american cheese on it, a salad with some red vinegar on it, and some tator tots! (not too many though like 5! i swear,) but then I ate a piece of cake with some soft serve! gosh darnit! Plus, I think it's the sweets that make me want to eat more.

6:00-a couple fries. (Gosh! I'm a moocher! if i wasn't i bet i'd lose some pounds-it's just sooo hard to say no to food if someone offers it to you.)

it's now 8:00, I am going to starbucks with Kiki. I will get a nonfat, sugar free latte.

after dinner and wed

Well, last night I ate a veggie sub and tomato soup, and a small bag of cheddar chex mix...

Then I had a nonfat vanilla latte later that night.

Today:

9:15--eggs w/ salsa, half a grapefruit, muesli (a grain cereal) with some honey and a smidge of butter. (I had an extra serving of eggs-I am an egg crazy girl!)

I didn't eat any lunch.

6:00--a veggie wrap (pepper jack cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, romaine, onions w/ fat free ranch), a bag of popcorn.


8:30-granola bar.

I drank a good amount of water today too. I can't find my scale right now, which you think would be really easy to find considering that I live in pretty much a 12x12 square...but hey!

reporting...

well let's see...

Last night 5:20pm here's what happened. Let night I went to debot, got green beans, sourkraut with a couple pieces of polish sausage, and butternut squash...then I had a small piece of lemon cake and some soft serve vanilla ice cream on the side...

Last night
9:40-The reason I love college so much is how much RANDOM food runs people go for. So of course, my friends went to KFC, and I had bites of their mashed pot and three pieces of boneless honey bbq wings!!! Ugg, but besides that I ate pretty yesturday.

today:

8:20--half a grapefruit, eggs, toast with some cream cheese and jam on it.

11:30--A nature valley granola bar

12:30-an ENITRE bag of light popcorn and two poptarts!! (GURR! sugar is going to be the end of me!) I was just sooo in the mood for something and I didn't know what. That's when I end up eating the most. (I think usually in those situations you're probably actually thirsty for water-or I heard that somewhere.

Usually I'm pretty good about not eating in the afternoon time. I had dance today. Tomorrow I plan to implement my "go to gym between my two hour break between classes." I'm excited. I'd be even more excited if my Ipod was here yet... but meh what can you do?

At least I'm starting somewhere-and being aware of what I'm putting into my body, even if it's not good stuff.

i'll write after dinner.

~Arwen

today! so far

So let's see. So far today I've eaten some beef jerky. (I know! I know!!). Then for breakfast/brunch I had half a grapfruit, some green tea, blueberry yogurt with granola...

Which I think is pretty good. I haven't eaten since then and I'm going to the caferteria at 6pm...I will NOT eat anything before that. :)

I didn't work out today because I'm not feeling too great, but I did a lot of breathing and stretching-so at least that's good.

I'll report dinner later.

~Arwen

weight-still 148.6

The rest of the day...How quickly can you forget!

Hello!

So, with the cafeteria closed and my tummy grouling, I went out to eat with my WONDERFUL roomate Becca. I went to a nice little cafe called "The blueberry muffin" and ordered a veggie and cheese omelettel, toast, and a coffee. The thing is-I probably should have just ate half of what was on my plate...but I didn't.

Later on I ate a small bag of baked potato chips.

For dinner I ate a personal size cheese pizza...

ANd...I ate some beef jerky just now...

I feel not too good about my food choices for the day. I actually like eating in the caferteria, because then I don't tend to eat as much-and they have LOTS of veggies and fruit there...I really should go there more often.

Also, I have found a time in my schedule on Mondays and Wednesdays where I an go to the YMCA and workout in between classes. I think that'll be fun. I start tomorrow. And! I have an IPOD coming to give me an extra boost of umm enthusiasm...(My friend found a first generation 2gb nano for me on Ebay as a birthday present. It's coming in the mail.) So that should really help. And once rehearsals start, I'll be dancing like no one's business.

MAN I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT IPOD! I think I'll start making a workout playlist! Anygood song suggestions?

~Arwen

ugg fest. 148.6

Sometimes I just cannot believe my weight. It frustrates me that I am not smaller. Even though I "know" how to get smaller, I'm just not quite sure how to do it. I want instant results, like anybody else, and when I see that my weight has gone up, I start to freak out.

I'm beginning to accept my body, and like it for what it is, and through the process reshape it. I have started up dance classes-two times a week, plus I will have rehearsal every night soon, so I will have less time to eat, the only thing I need to worry about is not eating late after rehearsals, and I should be fine. Although, it is really hard for me to get to sleep on an empty stomach.

Isn't it awful that I'm having trouble NOT eating food, when other places on this planet, people having trouble finding enough food to eat!?!

It's so dumb. I'm going to try and wait to eat unless I feel hungry today.

My breakfast: a nature valley peanut granola bar: 180 calories.

love,
Arwen

p.s.

I'm sooo dreading coming back to school and being fatter than my competition for the role I want in the fall musical...

GURR!!

My fatness is getting in the way of my dreams!! And I'm letting it!!

Think Arwen!! "Who would give up what they want without a trial?"

love,
Arwen

p.s. Arwen you have to love yourself, take care of your body...!

i just keep getting fatter!

I remember sometimes when I used to complain to my sister about being fat, and she would say "well at least you're pretty." (She thought she was ugly). The unfair thing about her saying that was that she thought she was ugly when she really wasn't. And Plus!! I'm all broken out and ugly right now, and my face is fat and NOT pretty. And I'm fat.

I cannot believe, I look at every single entry on here, and how I plan to be a certain weight by a certain time, I never helps, and it seems as if I'm rapidly gaining weight! I just am soo ticked.

And fat, yes is something that hypotheically you can work on. But, I just get sooo distracted by work and school, I feel I never have the time of energy to work out. And I'm always looking forward, once school starts I know I'll workout more, "once my class starts..." and I hear the same thing from my overweight friends "I know I'll eat right when I'm skinnier." And I think "no! You have to change now! You cant sit around waiting until the next thing-because the next thing will never end up being enough to change you.


I'm not going to magically start eating right when I'm skinnier.

The cold hard fact is I'm addicted to food! I think about it sooo often, when I'm bored I think "I could eat something" I spend time thinking about my next meal, or what would make a good snack. I am in LOVE with the different textures and tastes. And I don't know why I'm addicted to it. And unlike things like smoking which people do not physically need in their life, I have to face my addiction everyday! Technically I could go anorexic, but it would just end up making me fatter in the end anyway. I look at these crazy diets people put up-where they eat 200 calories a day think "how can they do that and have energy?!?" Plus I get hungry so quickly! Which I think must be cuz I've over-eaten and expanded my stomach so much.

I wonder if my ADD evaluations will help at all with my eating problem.

Well....today I'm going to bed...I just need to vent. The other thing that would probably help me is writing in this everyday...but I get too distracted to do that toO!


MAN ALIVE!
i'll vent more later. I'm tired.

~Arwen

little fat me

I am taking that book back to the library!

I tried to follow the advice-and I didn't weigh myself for a while. I ended up weighing 146lbs!

OMG!! I cannot believe this. I'm so frustrated. It's like I have to start all over again. Except this time I'm 2 more pounds in the red.

I have set a goal weight #1: 130lbs by September 2nd. That's 16lbs in 45 days. that's .35lbs a day....is that healthy? or doable? I'm not sure. That's 2.48lbs a week.--SO well I guess hoping to be at 135 would be more doable.

I started that class at the Y on Monday. Butts and guts. There are also 2 other classes which I plan on attending next week. One's on Wed, and one's on Friday. So that'll be good.

The thing I need to work on the most is not eating so much. Tomorrow I am not sure what I will eat. But I'm done eating for the day. COMPLETELY DONE! I'm soo full right now! I had the rest of my dinner for breakfast. Some fig newtons for a snack. Then I ate a turkey sandwich and the rest of a bag of pretzels. I need to know how to eat when my stomach is actually hungry and how not to overeat. How to stop when I'm full. And I need to figure out why I'm eating when I'm not hungry.

well i'm kind of ashamed at myself right now. I'm outie.

I hope this will have some turn around. I guess I just need to keep track of stuff. Because when I don't things become out of control.
TTYL
~Arwen

p.s. is there any hope?!?

Weight

140.8...

I forgot to mention I was going to go work out at the Y today- and hopefully sign up for a class that starts next week if I am correct. It's called Butts and Guts-(Hey! The two areas I need to work on!) Plus that'd be one day a week I know I'll get some extra exercise in. I'm looking at my schedule for school and I'm probably going to work out with the "early bird" class on the days I don't have dance class. Maybe take like 2 out of the 3 days of classes. Or hey! Maybe I'll be ambitious enough for 3-making 5 days of exercise a week. If I do decide to take monday or friday off I'll most likely workout on Saturdays-if my schedule allows.

Well-tata. I'll report back at the end of the day.